Power of the mind

I have for the past week been puzzled about how my mind works, the energy which my thoughts consume, the energy which they give me, the time they take away when I am just staring, the opportunities which they offer me. The last weeks has been marked by big ups and down, which I account to the fact that I have been exposed to huge changes in my close personal sphere. The experience of being a student in Reykjavik this time is much different, in 2006 and had known and prepared for 6 months before coming here, I had just left my girl friend, I did not live with Anders, I had not met Anne, Rasmus had not been born. With these factors now influencing my life, a long with no time to prepare my self I have found my self in a state of mental stress, negatively affecting my mood and confidence.
Now after close to three weeks here I am noticing that my fluctuations are becoming smaller which boost my confidence and again reinforces my decission of going to Reykjavik altogether. Coming to this state of reducing the fluctuations has demanded a conscious effort in working on meaningful relationships here and maintaining my relationship to Anne and the people at home.
Over the past 5 days two changes has occured to strengthen my commitment, thursday last week I attended an AIESEC meeting and I immediately felt a sense of belonging and a much sought after feeling of contributing positively to others. And on a more personal level I attended a birthday of a class mate, thank you Alfred!
Good night

Isolation in others company?

It might be late, I might have just had a good night, but there is an issue on my mind which I can't let go! The question which flies around in my mind is "How is it possible to be alone around other people?"

As a student in university I am every day surrounded by people, hence I am socialicing. Though upon each and every encounter there is a significant emptiness. I do not hold anything aginst these people, but as soon as the interaction has ended immediatly comes the feeling of loneliness.

I take this as a lack of deep, emotional, meaningful relationships. I have these, but they are the ones I have isolated my self from by going abroad to do my master studies. Upon evaluating the opportunity I had not considered that it would hit this hard to be on a distance from everyone I love and care for. Though I thought of this when I was in Qatar, it did not reflect on an otherwise similar thought of going abroad to Iceland in stead. This is remarkable negilence in the assesment of opportunity cost, how foolish of me!!!

There are the people who I miss now; my family, mom, dad, Anders, Jeppe, Rasmus. Possibly even Anne more, you are the most unique, beautiful and giving individual I have ever met and I am grateful for everything we have together from chats to dinners and holidays. And of course there is also my nearest friends, Lars, Rene, Stig, Henrik, Kasper, Andreas, Thomas, I hope you are all doing well, and I now know how much value you added every day.

Typical how one only learns what one has when its gone.

Jesus christ

Loneliness

There is so much happening, many events, many new people, news 24/7, cell phones, email, chats, virtual and physical networks, though all of this surrounds me I still feel an, sometimes, overwhelming emptiness, solitude, yes quite frankly I feel alone.
It is odd since the amount of offers, options, electives and alternatives are larger than I ever remember. Its a difficult transition period for me since over the past two months I have found myself and it has become clear to me what matters and what does not. Among my top priorities are contact to my girlfriend, family, relatives and close friends. This means that certain hours are reserved for this, though at the same time my old priorities are still pulling me, things such as internet surfing, youtube, hanging out with school mates. This is all fine seen from my old perspective, but as it no longer correspond with who I am then I am actively pushing down these things on my everyday list in order to make space to what is of higher importance. This is not easier, the whole process of redefining myself come over two months, and now I see my self in a new environment, with new daily activities, in a new time zone, trying to implement the insights I have so painfully gained over the past months.
Nonetheless there is no doubt that the current situation is also an advantage, since with all habits and small everyday things being uprooted it allows for new personal order and life style to succeed the old.
This new order will be documented through regular blogging, frequent contact to those close to me and new ever exceeding goals.

A new beginning

So here I am, back the educational environment, a place I had only thought of returning to in a distant future. Anyhow I am back and my initial impressions and experiences are that this is the best I could do for my self at this time.

University is for me an avenue for me to put my thoughts into words. The clear frames which are set up for each of my subjects gives me a clear idea what I can and want to contribute with. This clarity also encourages me to be more ambitious. For the first time I can clearly see the path which is ahead of me, this stems from (a) I have given a lot of consideration to my choice of university, (b) I have additional perspectives from my work experience and (c) my priorities are very clear. This is a clear sign of increased maturity and hence focus which I have developed since I last attended university, and my hope is of course that this degree will give me additional possibilities for development as my bachelor did. 

I have tried to grow up fast, to achieve much in little time, and when I look back I feel I have seen and tried out what I could wish for in my first 25 years. Of course periods has been more hectic than others, but generally "carpe diem" expresses well how I have gone about living my life.

Now, I am again focusing on developing myself after a period of developing my surroundings. I still firmly believes that more success and life quality will come from developing and believing in that I can make the world around me a better place. And it starts with myself. To me that means I that what to be a role model to my self, I want to live in a way which is in compliance with my values and beliefs. I this pursuit I am grateful for the book my fantastic girl friend gave me for christmas "Ethics for Amador" which I finished just last week(I will come back to this book). Secondly, I concur with Mahatma Ghandi "Be the change you want to see in the world" thereby saying I am trying mine to change would I see needs change. I wish for my self to create a sphere around me which signals trust and ambition to change, this is a high ranking personal development project. More on this later.

;-)

Quiet before the storm

So, today is the last day of my unemployment period, tomorrow starts the experiences of the new path I have chosen.
I feel like I want to reflect upon the past 2 months, everything has been so turbulent, with the excessive amount of free time I found my self thinking a lot. At first it seemed very unproductive, then it became scary because there was many thoughts which I earlier had paid no attention to. But during this period I got to really go over all the issues in my mind and connect the dots.
The thoughts about who I am, what I want and my life achievements was especially hard to deal with, so first I pushed it away refusing to think about it. But such thoughts I had pushed in front of me for a long time while claiming me too busy because of work and other activities. But just a few days into November after having deliberated with the AIESEC rangers I started this thinking process. This proved to have a depth I did not see to start with (and actually with this reflection now I am reaching new depths), firstly I started sorting out the straight forward and rational questions, "What do I want to do?" "Where?". Then came the offspring from these questions "Why do want exactly this?" "What am choosing not to do?", "What has occupied me in the past preventing me from doing what I am thinking of?". When these thoughts first struck me I was paralyzed because it seemed so big to think about, it was scary being so conscious about what it means to be the the driver's seat of one's own life.
This experience I had not anticipated when I was made redundant, and I did not see the value in this experience until now, only now I recognize how powerful and valuable it has been to have this time.
The result which I see is that I am more clear about who I am, I am more determined and goal oriented and conscious about my choices, since in the light of the new knowledge I have about my self I have a much better idea about what works to my benefit and what does not.

The old figure of speech "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" has yet again proven it self to be true :-)

Remarkable Reykjavik

So, I'm back in Reykjavik, living in the same part of town, going to the same university, having 2 of the same professors, the weather is the same, the school is arranging the same "study tours", and yet everything is very different.

The atmosphere has changed, the streets and bars are not as lively anymore, people don't have the same facial expression, eye contact is very rare. The crisis looks as to have hit the common man and woman hard. 

I believe as a foreigner here I can bring something positive to the Icelanders, not only foreign currency (and thats not a lot anyway, compared to what they need) but more importantly make them see how great a country they have and what great qualities the society here have.

I admire the icelanders "out goingness" which I see has faded a bit. It very connected to their creativity and inspiration, hence it may be challenging to work with icelanders on the upcoming university projects. I have just finished Ethics for Amador (Ética para Amador), and I think I can take a couple of learnings from the book to help the Icelanders realise their qualities and have their confidence and ethusiams blossom.

I will return next week on my progress on this and responses.

Stay close, and have a good weekend when that comes